Embarrassed...

So my last post was in July, I was so sure I was gonna go back on living a low carb diet, but that didn't work out exactly as planned, in fact it didn't work out at all. With wedding planning, open houses at venues, tasting all of the caterers different foods, and wedding cake samples, the only good that has come out of all of this is that I did find a wedding venue. Lots of other things have happened in my life have contributed to eating comfortably I guess you could say. Not that any of this is to blame, but it definitely didn't make it easy to pass up on my favorite comfort foods. I had 3 deaths in my family between August -September. One uncle, an aunt and the closest to me which was my grandfather. I kept busy and ate, a lot, as much as I could, this is how I've coped and grieved. I picked out all of the sweets for the viewing, and everything that was left over we brought home, and I ate a little everyday until it was all gone, every twinkie, chocolate cupcake, powdered doughnut, oatmeal cream pie, and wafer. Then I just ate, I wasn't so big on fries anymore, but I couldn't stop eating bread, I was consuming so much bread, it was embarrassing, the sad part which I feel completely guilty about is that I was taking down my fiancé with me, we started this diet together, and here we were, breaking it together. It was a lot of fun don't get me wrong, but it had a horrible effect in our bodies, we'd eat and come home and go straight to bed. At one point we were pretty positive that my fiancé's diabetes were close to being rid of. I know that is not the case anymore. We both feel horrible, and have promised each other that this is it!!!! No looking back, no giving up, no cheating, we have no choice. I'm not even sure how much weight we have gained back this time but I'm not looking forward to find out, tonight will be our 1st time back in the gym in a loooooong while. I'll weigh myself tonight. And I'll probably cry, very hard. But, I'm staying positive from here on out, I've got wedding dress shopping in about 9 months, and I need to be in the best shape. Then I've gotta maintain that size/weight for a year after that. Weddings in less than two years, here goes nothing!!!

This is the most recent pic of me.